Posted by: Jayme | April 24, 2007

Some thoughts.

I know I am still in denial about this. I just don’t understand. I really had a good feeling about this pregnancy, about this baby. I really thought I was bringing him home. After we lost Raime, when I got pregnant with Lili and Mia, we didn’t really buy anything for either of them til the very end of the pregnancies. We didn’t even have a carseat for Mia until after she was born! We got it while she was still in the NICU. Same with Elora, I had bought diapers, but didn’t really buy much else. I had started picking up some clothes towards the end, because again, we really thought she was coming home. We never got her carseat though. But with Connor, I went nuts. As soon as I found out he was a boy, I shopped like crazy for stuff for him… tons of clothes, blankets, even the stroller & carseat. I was so excited, and I was just SO sure he was going to be ours to keep. I was totally thinking positive about the pregnancy. We couldn’t possibly lose another baby- it wouldn’t happen to us a third time. I really needed a happy ending, a final perfect addition to our family. And instead, we lost another child.


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