Posted by: Jayme | May 17, 2007

At a loss

I started a website for Connor about a week ago, and all I really did was put up the layout.  I didn’t add any content or anything.  I started doing that today,  I added my favorite pictures, and started writing.  I am at such a loss for words,  I just don’t know what to say about everything. 

When Raime was stillborn, and I set up her website, I found it so very theraputic.  It really helped me work through the grief, and I liked having her own special place, where I could honor her memory.  I filled her page with poems and quotes that I found meaningful.  I searched high and low for the perfect graphics.   It was such a healing process for me. 

When Elora died, I thought I should make her a page too.  No quotes or poems inspired me that time.  I was feeling much angrier about the whole situation than I had with Raime.  I have so many pictures of Elora, and I concentrated on those.  I wanted to share my child with the world, I wanted everyone to know her feisty personality.  I filled her pages with some of the hundreds of pictures I took of her during her short life.

So it’s only fair that Connor gets a page too, right?  I couldn’t not make him one.  I loved him just as much as his sisters.  But it’s been so difficult this time.  I am just out of stuff to say, besides THIS SUCKS.  And he deserves so much more than that. 

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