Posted by: Jayme | October 8, 2007


99% of the time I’m sure I don’t want any more babies.  I should rephrase that. I still wish we could have had six living kids, but my fear of losing another child is far greater than my desire to complete my family.   Despite everything, I am happy.  I love my kids and my husband.  I have a good life.  There’s just that little teeny tiny nagging in the back of my mind, the empty spaces in my heart. 

I met some people this weekend- people that didn’t know about the babies.  I was able to tell their stories.  I love to talk about them, it keeps their memories alive for me.  When I meet new people and they ask how many kids I have, and I don’t mention them, I feel guilty.   But depending on the situation, sometimes it’s best not to bring it up.  But this weekend, it wasn’t like that.   It was ok to talk about them. 

One of the women there- she had a son that was born just 8 days before Connor.  I didn’t hold him, but I did sit by him, and talk to him when he was playing on the floor.  He was so cute.   It’s been six months, and it’s getting less difficult now to see babies.  



  1. (((jayme))) i can’t believe it’s been that long since he was born. it feels like that was just yesterday. i cannot imagine what it is like to walk in your shoes, but i will proudly hold your hand and walk beside you if you ever want to talk.

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