Posted by: Jayme | March 20, 2008

An article on grief

While trying to research how people grieve differently in other cultures, I came across this article that I thought was right on.

How do you cope with the death of a young baby by Lisa Rebman

Grief is an unpredictable emotion, and in my opinion, one of the most profound. The loss of a child is one of the most tragic events that can happen to a parent. When this happens, the grief comes in waves. Sometimes it crashes in unexpectedly, sometimes barely reaching the shore. When grief initially comes upon us, it is like a hurricane. Sometimes there is warning, and we may be told to prepare for the worst. Other times, it gains strength fast and hits unexpectedly.

When the hurricane first hits, the storm surge comes in and does the most damage. This surge has enormous waves, sometimes covering everything, drowning all things in its path. Likewise, when grief hits, it consumes us, and washes everything else away. The devastation that is left is unimaginable. To people outside of the hurricane, as in grief, it is hard to grasp the full concept of how catastrophic it truly is. Others may watch from afar, but you are stuck in the middle of it, left to pick up the pieces. Occasionally, we find others who are willing to help wade through the rubble and repair our broken lives.

Months and months later, we may have rebuilt our home and our lives. We look new on the outside, refreshed and clean. On the inside, our home may be empty, as all of our belongings are now debris. Additionally, our lives may feel empty, and we slowly start to find fulfilling things.

The quest for another child may be compared to rebuilding our home on the coast. We may take further precautions to help insure that we will be safe should another hurricane hit. We are never guaranteed safety from the storm, or a healthy, living baby. This is a risk that many of us are willing to take to fulfill our dreams and be happy again.

Every once in a while, another storm will come through. The waves start to crash, and all of the emotions come flooding back in. Sometimes the waves of grief are deep, and seem to drown us. Other times, the waves are shallow, and just enough to let us wade through. The severity of the storm varies widely; it may consume us or simply dampen us.

As time goes by, we see that the waves of grief roll in further and further apart. It may be months between storms, and after a few years they may even be more predictable as we realize a cycle. Unfortunately, the waves will never go away. Rest assured, that as time goes by, you will learn how to weather the storm, and living with grief will be a little bit easier.


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