Posted by: Jayme | July 7, 2008

Baby Fever

Not mine. Well, not really. I think I’ll always have a touch of the baby rabies… the desire to procreate. But this time it’s my six year old. She’s got it BAD. She’s wanted a baby sibling for ages now, as long as I can remember. She was so excited about Elora, and she loved her weekly visits to the NICU. She couldn’t wait to hold her and take care of her and be a big sister. Then she got excited about Connor, aka Baby Jack. Granted she’s already a big sister to my three and a half year old, but she’s informed me that doesn’t count because she’s too big to be a baby now since she walks, talks and is potty trained.

It’s so hard for me to hear her talk of her desire to have another sibling. I wish she didn’t have to know death at such a young age. I hate that she is robbed of that innocence.

Her desire isn’t a passing thing. She’s consistently wanted a baby in the family for years now. She asks on a regular basis if I have a baby in my belly yet. I tell her I don’t want one, that I’ve got enough kids. I tell her I’m afraid that the baby might get sick and die like Elora and Connor. And she says if that happens, I should keep trying until one gets to come home from the hospital.

She even has names picked out. She would prefer a girl, but a boy is ok too, as long as it doesn’t die. But the ultimate would be twins- one of each. She wants twins more than anything.

It would be so much easier if she wasn’t talking about it all the time. Maybe then I wouldn’t have a touch of baby fever too. Unfortunately for her, my fear of another loss is far greater than my desire to try again at this point.

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