Posted by: Jayme | August 13, 2008

I am finding me

I really am starting to feel like myself again.  It’s been years since I’ve felt like this.  My own person…

The past two years have been HARD.  Two deployments.  Elora’s birth, nine weeks in the NICU, then death.  Connor’s stillbirth.  Then the waffling between trying again or not…

I want to focus on me.  I want to get in shape.  I want to lose weight, get my blood pressure in check.  For the first time in ages, I am not pregnant or nursing.  All my kids are potty trained.  I am feeling rather independent all of a sudden.

In a couple years, after Aaron reenlists, if he’s in a non-deployable squadron & I am healthy, maybe we’ll try again.  I am at peace with that, I am feeling happy about the decision.  The only drawback is the age difference between Mia and the potential new baby, I like my kids close.  But that’s ok.  I can deal with that too.

I was afraid once Aaron got home, I would have the overwhelming urge to try again for a baby.  But I don’t, I am content with this.  Surprised, but very happy that I am feeling like this.

In the meantime, I am super excited to focus on Aaron.  When we met, Owen was just shy of his first birthday.  Our marriage has always had a baby as the primary focus, but not now.  Mia is going to be four this fall, and she’s so independent.  Like I said, we’ve been through lots in the past two years or so, and he’s been all about taking care of me.   I think it’s his turn to feel spoiled!

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