Posted by: Jayme | April 8, 2009

You’re going to have your hands full…

At the store the other day, the check out girl asked me how far along I was and what I was having- I told her twin boys- and she said oh wow, with the two big sisters! Four kids, you’ll have your hands full.
Well I have three boys too- they are just at their dad’s… and sometimes I’ll mention that these boys are actually #6 and 7… though really they’re #9 and 10.

It’s weird, I hate not acknowledging all my kids.  It gets even weirder when I start feeling guilty for not mentioning the babies we’ve lost.
It also feels awkward to me when people see me with the girls and mention how two boys will make it a perfectly balanced family… because it’s not so much.

Although people don’t get too weirded out and act understanding when I say the boys are with their dad, nothing like the reactions I get when I mention deadbabies.

I am not venting or asking for advice, not sure what I want here LOL
But I know from talking to lots of other moms who have lost a child to stillbirth or early neonatal death, the also feel the compulsion to mention the child/ren they’ve lost.   But we’ve all noticed that it really seems to upset or bother the people we’re talking to.  I’m not talking like random strangers, I mean like when I run into someone I haven’t seen in awhile or whatever.

I guess people who haven’t had to bury a child don’t always realize that mentioning our babies makes them real, makes them count.  It makes most of us feel better, not worse, to acknowledge them.


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